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Is your family enmeshed?

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Complete transcript:
Here's an immediate sign that your family is imshed and it's probably why you feel guilty all the time. Ished families feel like really close families, but there's one thing that makes them different. Unspoken rules. You have to do things their way. You have to be the one calling them. And you have to be at all holidays. You're still in a child dynamic where you're asking permission instead of being an adult making decisions.

There's an obligation to do things. Your opinion, your freedom, your need for any time or space aren't even considered. In a mesh families, there's a belief that we've done things a certain way for so long and we expect everyone to get on board. There's no space for any change or flexibility. I'll give you a really common example. You call your parents and they answer the phone and they say, "Oh, it's so good to hear your voice." Or, "Wow, I thought your phone broke." Now, of course, this doesn't feel good because immediately you're made to feel guilty for not calling. So, if you say something like, "Well, dad, you know, you could call me."

This isn't even considered because there's this unspoken rule that kids and even adults in their 30s and 40s need to call their parents. So, the phone doesn't actually work two weeks. It only works one way. Maybe there's an expectation that you come over for weekly dinners and one week you're tired. Or you suggest that they come to you and that idea almost sounds like you're breaking unwritten contract because you are the contract on how you're supposed to interact. In naturally close families, there's a respect for autonomy and space and a deep knowing that there's an authentic bond. When you become an adult, there's an understanding that you'll have partners, maybe children, and other obligations. And proximity and attendance are not mandatory.

#enmeshment #familyrelationships #familydynamics #dysfunctionalfamily #familydrama
Category
Spiritual
Tags
Dr. Nicole, The SelfHealers Circle, How to be the love you seek
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