Danger of Expectations | Tony Robbins

Do you and your partner constantly bicker? Sure, maybe they’re not over-the-top arguments, but you can’t help yourself from continuing to pick at each other. It seems like the smallest thing sets you or your partner off, and you can’t understand why.

The underlying reason for this tension could be mismatched relationship expectations. Expectations in a relationship differ from person to person, and can cause major problems if not addressed. Issues start to arise when you assume your partner has the same expectations in a relationship that you do. You think to yourself, “Everyone knows how to load the dishwasher.” You don’t have a discussion with your partner about your expectation on the matter, and then when they complete the task in a different way than you would, you find yourself getting irritated. The thing is, no two people do things the same way. Your partner has no way of knowing your relationship expectations unless you talk to them about it.

It only takes a small change for a relationship to become joyful and stable again – it involves changing your mindset. What if instead of getting angry at your partner over relationship expectations, you shifted your mindset and started appreciating them instead?

Think about all the reasons why you were drawn to your partner in the first place. Maybe they’re a great listener. Perhaps you enjoyed their lust for life or their interest in your favorite sports teams. Go back to that initial attraction and try to put all those good qualities your partner possesses at the forefront of your mind, instead of focusing on the negatives.

Yes, your partner may not load the dishwasher the way you like it to be done, but at least they help around the house! Look for the good in a situation when you feel yourself being drawn toward bickering. Holding your partner accountable for unreasonable relationship expectations does nothing to further your relationship – it only drives a wedge between the two of you.

In order to create a long-term happy and loving relationship, you need to focus on the positive. As Tony Robbins says, “Turn your expectations into appreciation and your whole life will change.”

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Tony Robbins is a #1 New York Times best-selling author, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. For more than 37 years, millions of people have enjoyed the warmth, humor and dynamic presentation of Mr. Robbins' corporate and personal development events. As the nation's #1 life and business strategist, he¹s called upon to consult and coach some of the world¹s finest athletes, entertainers, Fortune 500 CEOs, and even presidents of nations.