How to change a fight into a discussion

Stop fighting and start talking! We all get into arguments; usually, it's with the people we care about the most. In this lesson, you will learn how to relax someone who's angry, and how to express your feelings in a productive way. That's right. You can end most fights by following the simple advice that I will share with you here. This is an English lesson, but you're also going to improve your relationship and social skills. I'll teach you vocabulary and expressions in English that you can use to start having meaningful conversations. Furthermore, you'll learn a little psychology, to make you a better communicator.

Watch these videos next:
1. How to criticize and compliment - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZzLl18gATo
2. How to say NO! - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q12zg939ojI
3. How to STEAL a conversation - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl3pdlys7zc

Take the quiz on this lesson here: http://www.engvid.com/how-to-change-a-fight-into-a-discussion/

TRANSCRIPT

Why are you so angry all the time, E? You're like smash, relax. You're not the Incredible... Hi. James from engVid. E's turning green, and I know The Avengers are all over the planet, so I'm sure you know Hulk Smash. And the Incredible Hulk is powerful because he's angry, he's always angry. And the funny thing is I find most people are angry about this, angry about that. So I want to help you today do a little better, because when people are fighting, well, they're fighting because they care. If you didn't care, you wouldn't fight with anyone. And I have a two-part lesson... What I mean by two parts is I'm going to start off by giving you some expressions so you can kind of get rid of the fighting, and then I'm going to give you some vocabulary you can use instead of saying: "I'm angry. I'm angry. I'm so angry." There are other words that really let people know what you mean, and you can use some of these words and the phrases I'm going to teach you, and you'll notice that your interactions or the way you talk to each other will change and you'll probably be a lot happier, and not like E. E Smash, so angry, so angry. All right?

So let's go to the board. So what did I tell you here? Okay? I want us to stop the fighting. And how are we going to do that? Well, the first thing we have to do is accept that... Or accept that arguments and fighting are a part of life, and as I said, it's because you care. You fight because something is important to you, or someone is fighting with you because something is important to them. And when you don't take the time to understand it's important to them, that's what makes the fight worse. Half of the times things can be resolved or solved or fixed easily if you just go: "Hey, that bothers you? Got it." Once most people hear that, they're willing to talk to you. But if they don't think they're being heard, they smash, they hit hard.

So let's go to the board. Okay, so I'm going to give you two types of phrases. Okay? These will help you... One will help you let the other person know that you care and you're listening, the other one is so that you can express yourself. Okay? Because it's important that you have a voice and you should be heard. And then in the second part when we come back we'll do words that aren't always about being angry, but show different states and emotions, and I'll explain them and you can use them when you're ready. So, let's go.

Okay, these phrases, as it says, will help show that you care about the other person. And how do we show we care about the other person? Sometimes it's to say or to show that they're intelligent. Right? So the first statement I use as this: "You have a good point" or "That's a good point". In saying: "That's a good point"... I got to put a comma here, I just forgot my comma. "That's a good point", in saying that you're admitting that what they're saying, there's valid. Valid means has some truth. You're not automatically agreeing with everything they say, and that's important. When people are arguing, you don't have to agree with everything, but you have to listen and see what they say because sometimes what they say is good and can help both of you in your relationship. So simply just saying, you know: "You have a good point. I should think about this." Or: "That's a good point." Even if I don't agree with everything, I can still listen to you and hear that these are good points or these make sense. All right?

By using these phrases here, I just want to point out that it will help you because what you're saying really is: No matter what we fight about, at the end you're still my good friend, you're still my girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, lover, student, or teacher. Okay? Not all together, by the way. But, you know, each one as a partnership, we're... We can still be good or have a good relationship even though we don't agree right now. Okay? So that's the first one.