How to say NO! Communication skills that work

Most people don't like saying no -- in any language. But to be strong and confident, sometimes you have to say no. Watch this lesson to learn *how* to say "no", show confidence, and have the respect of your coworkers, family, and friends. Test your understanding of the lesson with the quiz: http://www.engvid.com/how-to-say-no/

TRANSCRIPT

Fourth dimensional patterns within eternity's monolith wood, he suggests. See, merely -- you probably don't under what I was saying, and I'll tell you the truth. I don't. Hi. James from EngVid. Looking at a Kindle, and I'm going to be using this in this lesson to teach you something. Today, what I'd like to do is help you with saying no in English. Saying no in any language is a very difficult thing to do simply because -- well, there are a few reasons. People want what they want, okay? And they don't like hearing "no". People take it personally. Even though you're saying no to the request, it's usually, "You don't like me. That's why you said no." We all have that, right? And the third thing about saying no is if you keep saying no, it's hard to have good communication because there's a lot of negative conversational energy there. So we want to get rid of that and get rid of that word "no". We're going to -- I'm going to help you today. Why? Because you need practice in conversation so that you can have the best relationships you can have. Right? Right. So what we're going to do is learn how to say no without saying "no" so that you can maintain your relationships and free yourself up a little bit. All right? Let's go to the board.

Nein. Nyet. No. Non. Nada. "Nada" means "nothing". Not quite "no", but you get the drift. All right? So Mr. E's saying no. He doesn't like something. But how can you say no without getting into trouble? Let's go to work, for instance. We're going to go to the board, and we're going to do an example at work. Happens all the time, right? Now, especially if you're a new person learning English, and you're trying to use English on the job, the last thing you want to do is tell your boss, "No." Because you must work hard. This is the job. Okay? You already know this. So let's see how you talk to a superior or a boss and say no.

You're asked to do another job when you have already got a lot of important work to do. So what do you say? How do you get out of this? You don't. You say something like this. "Sure. I can do it. However, I won't be able to do this other thing you want done. Now, which one is more important to you?" Seems simple? It is, and it's very effective, and I'll explain why. This is why it works. First of all you let them choose. When you're saying no to someone, you're kind of taking away power because you have the power to say yes or no. You say no; they lose their power. You're giving it back. I'm saying you have the power to choose what you want. What do you want to do? That's powerful by itself. They feel good. They're like, "I get to choose?"

Next. You're not rejecting the request. To reject means no. I didn't say "no"; I said "sure". "Sure" is the exact opposite of "no". You're saying, "Yeah. I can do it for you. No problem. I'd love to. Problem." But it's not your problem; it's their problem. They have to choose what they want. Okay? You're saying, "You get to choose, but I'm happy to help you either way." I'm saying yes because I'm that kind of person. Right? Also, you're reminding your boss -- you're telling her, you know, that, "Hey, look. I've got other work of equal importance because I've got this job and this job, and you know they're both important you gave them to me. You need to choose and help me here." Right?

So by reminding them of that, you're reminding them that even though you're a foreigner learning English, your work is valuable and so are you and you should be respected a bit. Right? After all, they hired you and they're giving you the work. So I hope you liked that one because you don't spend all your time in the office do you? I don't think so. You have relationships. So the next one I'm going to do is going to help you win your relationships. Are you ready? Let's go there.

Hi. We talked about work. And you have to say no sometimes at work. But you also have personal relationships outside of work. And this one's especially made for that. A lot of times, people offer you things to get you to do things you don't want to do. They're being what we call "sneaky" because they know you would say no, so they offer you something that you have to say yes to. So let's get -- let's use some English to get you out of that trap, shall we.