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How we develop secure attachment: parenting styles

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Complete transcript:
How we develop secure attachment

Parent: I'm a parent who raised my child with secure attachment.

Adult Child: How'd you do it? 

Parent: Well I was attuned to your emotional needs most of the time. I listened when you're upset instead of telling you to stop it. And I taught you how to breathe through intense emotions.  I didn't coddle you because I was confident in your own resilience and most importantly I was predictable.  My words match my behavior. 

Adult Child: It's true we never had to walk on eggshells or guess what you were feeling. I knew you were capable. And that helped me become capable.

Parent: Exactly, I understood my role as a parent was to work on myself and to heal my own trauma. I also knew that you needed to grow into your own unique person, not who I wanted you to be. So I gave you space to do that. I wasn't perfect at all and I messed up plenty of times, but I always apologize. And I own my behavior. 

Adult child: You really did and it's helped me so much in relationships. Because now when I make a mistake, I'm not drowning in shame. I understand that it's okay to not be perfect.  And I apologize and move on.  I know how to meet my needs and how to ask for help when I need it.
The Holistic Psychologist, Dr. Nicole Lepera
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