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Complete transcript: Why you keep having the same argument
The holistic psychologist: If you have an insecure attachment style, you'll have the same argument with your partner over and over again.
Here's why: all of us have a lens through we see things, and when we have an insecure attachment style, we have core beliefs that we're not good enough and that we'll always be abandoned or that people can't be trusted.
Our brain is always looking to confirm the things that we believe to be true about ourselves. This is called confirmation bias. So let's say that your partner tells you that they're going to do something and they forget. If you have an insecure attachment style, you're not going to think maybe they got busy or something came up. You're immediately going to go personalize the other person's behavior. And subconsciously create a story that confirms one of your core beliefs.
So you might tell yourself that your partner did this because they don't consider you or you're not important enough to them. When you project your core beliefs onto your partner over and over again, this will naturally push the other person away. Even if they try to explain to you why they did what they did, you won't believe them because your brain is already created a confirmation bias.
If you have an insecure attachment style, the most important thing you can do when you're triggered is to pause and breathe. Your brain is going to watch to race to create a story to help you feel safe. But you're going ng to want to ask yourself, is this 100% true, or is story an assumption based on
my past?
The more you pause when you're triggered to witness what you're thinking and to question your thoughts, the less you'll be held hostage to your interpretations and your reactions. And the more connected you can stay with your partner.
Order my books:
"How To Be The Love You Seek"
https://howtobetheloveyouseek.com
"How to Meet Yourself"
https://howtomeetyourself.com
"How to Do the Work"
https://theholisticpsychologist.com/how-to-do-the-work/
Get my FREE Relationship Future Self Journal: https://theholisticpsychologist.com/relationship-future-self-journal/
Complete transcript: Why you keep having the same argument
The holistic psychologist: If you have an insecure attachment style, you'll have the same argument with your partner over and over again.
Here's why: all of us have a lens through we see things, and when we have an insecure attachment style, we have core beliefs that we're not good enough and that we'll always be abandoned or that people can't be trusted.
Our brain is always looking to confirm the things that we believe to be true about ourselves. This is called confirmation bias. So let's say that your partner tells you that they're going to do something and they forget. If you have an insecure attachment style, you're not going to think maybe they got busy or something came up. You're immediately going to go personalize the other person's behavior. And subconsciously create a story that confirms one of your core beliefs.
So you might tell yourself that your partner did this because they don't consider you or you're not important enough to them. When you project your core beliefs onto your partner over and over again, this will naturally push the other person away. Even if they try to explain to you why they did what they did, you won't believe them because your brain is already created a confirmation bias.
If you have an insecure attachment style, the most important thing you can do when you're triggered is to pause and breathe. Your brain is going to watch to race to create a story to help you feel safe. But you're going ng to want to ask yourself, is this 100% true, or is story an assumption based on
my past?
The more you pause when you're triggered to witness what you're thinking and to question your thoughts, the less you'll be held hostage to your interpretations and your reactions. And the more connected you can stay with your partner.
- Category
- Spiritual
- Tags
- Dr. Nicole, The SelfHealers Circle, How to be the love you seek
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