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The most common relationship dynamic

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Complete transcript:
This is the most common relationship dynamic.

Person: My partner shutdown all the time.
I try to get him to talk to me and he won't. Then he'll just say he needs space and I get even more clingy.
Therapist: It sounds like your partner is avoidant.
Person: And the more I try to connect with him, the more distant he gets.
Therapist: It's helpful to understand that avoidant attachment comes from a childhood where a person usually spends a lot of time alone. And they didn't get much emotional connection from a parent. After getting let down over and over again, they learn to cope by not meeting anyone. Most people who are avoidant are hyper-independent. And take a lot of pride in doing things themselves.
Person: yeah and it leaves me feeling really rejected and alone.
Therapist: because for you safety is closeness for him safety is distance. When you try to get close his impulse is to move further away. And as he moves further away you're impulse is to get even closer. This is the anxious-avoidant dance that so many couples find themselves in.
The Holistic Psychologist, Dr. Nicole Lepera
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