The 2 essential skills you need for great conversations

Good conversation starts not with others but with YOU. You have the power to bring out the good in others with your energy and empathy. In this conversation skills video, we will talk about how to create interesting conversations using a combination of energy and empathy. I'll teach you some questions you can ask to make others get excited and interested in conversing with you. We will also talk about what to do when someone loses interest or talks down to you. Watch the lesson to improve your conversational skills and become the person everyone wants to talk with.

Take the quiz to make sure you understood the lesson: https://www.engvid.com/2-essential-skills-for-great-conversations/

Watch these other videos I've done on conversation skills to take it to the next level:

How to start a conversation: What to say after hello:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTJcpSWtVKI&index=21&list=PL1MxVBsQo85pZXMyUuh-4tXB4Zv2oMDOS&t=0s

How to use W5 questions for better conversations:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrXn54mbRf0&index=29&t=0s&list=PL1MxVBsQo85pZXMyUuh-4tXB4Zv2oMDOS

How to STEAL a conversation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl3pdlys7zc&index=68&t=0s&list=PL1MxVBsQo85pZXMyUuh-4tXB4Zv2oMDOS

TRANSCRIPT

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo. Oh, hi. James from engVid. Today I wanted to talk to you about two tips on conversation. These tips I think can have you... Help you have an amazing conversation, make you really interesting... Actually, make people really interested in you so you can keep having conversation. After all, it's the practice that we need to get better, and if people don't want to talk to you, you can't improve.

So quickly we'll go to the board and you'll see Mr. E has boxing gloves, and it says: "1, 2". In boxing, the "old one-two" is a jab and a straight punch. Why? It's very effective and it gets the job quickly done so you can take out your opponent. In this case, what I want to do is teach you two things that you can use in combination to make people you speak to enjoy the conversation with you, want to practice more, or talk to you more so you get more practice. Are you ready? Let's go to the board.

So, how to knock them out with killer conversation tips, 1 and 2. For most people when they're practicing or when they want to improve conversation, they think: "I need to talk a lot because if I get to talk a lot I'll get better." That's 50% of the equation, because in any conversation there's the speaker and the listener, and both parts must be worked on, because if you have a healthy balance the person who is listening to you will want you to continue, but usually they want to speak as well.

In a lot of conversations, something that will make a conversation go well is empathy, which "empathy" means: "I understand what you're saying. I also want to know how you feel." Another part of it is energy, people want to be excited. Nobody wants to talk to a person who talks like this on the whole subject, it wants... It makes them want to stop talking to you. That energy or lack of energy can be on your part or their part. In this lesson I want to address both things, empathy and energy, to teach you how to raise the energy in a conversation if it's low; and teach you empathy, how to feel or get them to feel in the conversation so they care, because if they care, they share. Are you ready? Let's go to the board.

Let's talk about empathy. One of the biggest parts of a conversation is empathy. When a person cares about the conversation, they stay in it, they're excited about it, so it's one way to raise energy. A lot of times when we're talking we make the mistake of thinking: "Okay, well, I've got a lot to tell people", and we get excited, so we have a lot of energy, you're talking about: "I got a new car the other day. It's an amazing car. It's got, like, bucket seats. The seats warm up in the winter. Canada's cold. The steering wheel warms up. I got a really good price on it. I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I..." the magic "I". Now, it's good for me because I get to say: "I", see? Me and I, but for a listener it gets boring because they're like: "Ah, ah". They want to talk. So a way to change that around, you might say: "Well, I'll just use 'you'. I'll say: 'How about you? You, you, you'". That's okay, that's a good start, putting it on them.

But if you want to show empathy to get them interested in the conversation, what you might want to say is one of two sentences I will show you now because when you say these sentences it makes the person know you care about them, not just about you. And in inviting them to speak about something gives them the opportunity to put their opinion in, so no matter how the conversation goes, they will remember that they were part of a conversation, not a lecture where you just spoke about you. And they will also probably remember the conversation in a more positive way, which means later on they'll want to talk to you. […]