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Emotionally immature mother struggles with empathy

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Emotionally immature parents (EIP) struggle deeply in situations they see their children hurting or struggling.

Their own internal discomfort and lack of attunement to the emotions of others typically creates a defense mechanism where they dismiss the emotions of others.

“It’s really not a big deal”
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”
“You’re strong, just move on”
“Don’t be dramatic”

There also tends to be a focus on their own emotional state. In this example the mother gives her own opinion of her daughter’s partner “your father and I never liked him anyway.” The disconnect here is that her daughter is in pain and suffering a very real loss. Emotionally immature parents struggle deeply to step outside of themselves to see that loss. To understand that pain. And to remove themselves from the situation— which is the foundation of support.

This is not because the parent doesn’t want to be supportive or is a “bad” parent. It’s because they too lacked that support growing up and do not know how to truly connect.

Thankfully, at any time anyone can increase their emotional maturity. The best way to practice is to stop the impulse of sharing how *you* feel. To listen. To just be there with the pain of another instead of trying to dismiss it to remove yourself from the comfort.

If you know you have an EIP, the best thing you can do is understand the level of support they’re capable of giving. Find other people who give you the space to self express. It can feel hurtful or frustrating to get responses like this— but they’re not personal. They’re a reflection of their internal state and developmental age #selfhealers
The Holistic Psychologist, Dr. Nicole Lepera
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