Avoidant attachment vs vulnerability

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Published Apr 16, 2025

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Avoidant attachment vs vulnerability
Complete transcript:
The Holistic psychologist: What do you want in a relationship?
Person: Someone who lets me do my own thing, who has their life and who loves me for who I am.
The Holistic psychologist: And when you get that relationship, what will you do?
Person: Self-isolate. Shutdown when they want to talk about issues, and in general accuse them of being difficult or high maintenance.
The Holistic psychologist: honest one
Person: They'll usually call me out on my behavior, which makes me self isolate even more. And then I'll get really really self loathing. I'll tell them I'm just not what they want anyway. And that they're better off without me.
The Holistic psychologist: So you say those things to gain sympathy from them and hope they comfort you and get distracted from the deep issue.
Person: Exactly. Growing up I never saw anyone work through their issues. We all lived in the same house like familiar strangers. There wasn't much affection or time spent together. I learned to do everything alone, being alone is where I feel the safest. It's my comfort, and anytime I'm stressed, I self isolate to feel the same safety.
The Holistic psychologist: What's one of your biggest triggers in relationships?
Person: Someone expecting me to meet their needs. I'm confused about my own emotions and needs and I easily shut down. So when someone expects me to meet their needs, I'm filled with shame I just want to hide.
The Holistic psychologist: And what's something you wish people knew about you?
Person: I don't want to be like this, I hate that I always have the urge to run away from my problems. I hate that when I'm with someone I love, I fantasize about being single again. Or I romanticize a past relationship, where I had the exact same problems. I wish I knew how to express my emotions. And listen to other people's emotions without getting so defensive.

#attachmentstyles #attachment #authenticself #authenticliving #selfimprovement

Category: Spiritual
Tags: Dr. Nicole, The SelfHealers Circle, How to be the love you seek

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