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How an avoidant feels after a breakup

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Complete transcript: How an avoidant feels after a breakup
Person 1: I just had to end the relationship. I need to do my own thing and focus on me.
Person 2: Okay, what happened?
Person 1: Nothing really I just started thinking I don't feel that attraction anymore and I was like if I don't see this relationship going anywhere, why am I investing my time into it? When I tried to take space, he was pushing me more and more to talk, so I knew I had to end it.
Person 1: Okay, so sounds like of your past relationships, where things start off really good, but then your partner has some emotional needs and you get overwhelmed. Then all you think about it getting away and going back to your own life and being single.
Person 2: Pretty much, I don't know why I push everyone away. I just can't be in a relationship or commit to people. Maybe I belong alone.
Person 1: here's what's happening, whenever you're in a committed relationship, you feel vulnerable. Being vulnerable was never safe for you growing up, so it puts your nervous system in a flee response. Where you feel the only way that you can solve the problem is to run away and be alone.
Person 2: Correct
Person 1: Being alone and not having anyone need anything from you is the only time you feel safe. A hallmark trait of an avoidant attachment style, which is why right after you have a break up you feel relief.
Person 2: At first I'm so numb, I feel nothing at all. I'm just so shut down and then I guilt myself for not having normal feelings after a breakup. But then later it hits me, that I lost someone that I really cared about again. And I feel bad because I really blindsided them. Then I get really depressed and super lonely and get back on the dating apps.
Person 1: And a little big later you start to feel regret.
Category
Spiritual
Tags
Dr. Nicole, The SelfHealers Circle, How to be the love you seek
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