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Breakups and anxious attachment

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Breakups and anxious attachment
Complete transcript:

Person: I'm devastated over the break up.
Therapist: What if I told you that you want them back so badly, not because who they are but just because you just want them to want you.
You have abandonment wounds from childhood, and that just means that you're fixated on being chosen. We never learn what healthy love looks like.

You're just not sure. So whenever you're with someone no matter how bad they treat you, or how checked out they are, you just want to keep the attachment. Beceause being left, is your greatest fear.

Person: I know. I did everything to make it work.
Therapist: Did you do everything to make it work? Or did you abandon yourself in order to not be abandoned by someone else. See that's what happens when we have these childhood abandonment wounds. We think that making it work means losing ourself in the process.

Therpist: It's true and because you're anxiously attached you end up with partners who ara avoidant. And those partners don't want to to learn what your needs are. Or how to make you feel safe. Instead it becomes you doing all of the work. And over time you end up being resentful because you took emotional breadcrumbs..

Person: That's exactly why we broken up.

Therapist: Your core belief is that you're not worthy of being loved, which leads you to avoidant partners who haven't healed enough to understand how to be in a functional healthy relationship. In the end you're exhausted and left feeling abandoned again, confirming your own core beliefs.

#attachmentstyles #anxiousattachment #anxietyhealing #relationships #selfimprovement
Category
Spiritual
Tags
Dr. Nicole, The SelfHealers Circle, How to be the love you seek
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